things i'm thinking about

i'm just listening to this radiolab podcast about how infants respond to sensory input, that even though their senses function, they don't function in the way that we expect them to, in a way that we would describe as conscious. Sights don't necessarily register in the vision center of the brain, transforming them into who knows what--data, but not necessarily meaningful data. Babies that stare may just be experiencing a brain glitch, unable to move their gaze away rather than presenting a keen interest in a specific object or individual. But our reactions, as adults, assume that the infant is seeing, hearing, gazing, etc. and that assumption helps the infant to learn how to make sense of all of that sensory input.

This pregnancy thing has me thinking about lots of things, wondering how we humans work.

A friend asked me the other day whether I would find out the sex of the baby. I don't care, either way. I'm not going to make a big deal of trying not to find out, but I wouldn't really care if I didn't know. She said it was nice to find out, because then you could start bonding with the baby. And I wondered why the baby's sex makes a difference in the bonding. Do I need to know the baby's sex in order to think of the baby as a real entity, someone who will be part of my life? I do know, though, that seeing an ultrasound picture of my baby--the sort of picture I've never really gotten excited about (or understood) when someone else showed me--made me feel instantly attached to and protective of this new person. What are the things--sex, image, voice, etc.--that allow us to envision and embody human life, to make it real and meaningful for us.

And the other thing I am wondering about. I find it perfectly normal, this idea of a fetus growing inside of me, this person who is totally dependent on me yet totally independent--already with its own heartbeat and blood type. It doesn't seem odd or unusual, and yet the other day when I thought about while this baby growing hair while still in the womb, I sort of freaked out. I try not to think about the hair because it does truly disturb me. So, why does the whole process not freak me out, yet hair does? Will was tormenting me last night with stories about the baby and its Don King hairdo.

People are funny and I think pregnancy may be one of those things that reveals our strangeness more than anything else.

new developments

ok, just one new development. This is our new little pookie, set to arrive at the beginning of March. I am in love with it already and could probably stare at this picture full-time. We're hoping that the winter weather will have mellowed before its arrival so that our little Canuck won't freeze solid.

amen

jimmy carter on the rights of women: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jul/12/jimmy-carter-womens-rights-equality

if it weren't so early in the morning, I would have some commentary on this, but all I can muster is amen! to have such a publicly religious and well-respected man step away from his church because of a disagreement on the treatment and rights of women is truly impressive to me.

the wild, wild west

The NY Times ran a story today about Southern Utah, the "West's best kept secret." Shh.. . NY Times, if you talk about it, it won't be a secret any more. The slideshow that accompanied the article included some gorgeous shots, mainly of the Capitol Reef area, that made me homesick.

But I have a few things to say about how the author Tom Perrottet characterized Southern Utah--and a few corrections. Perrottet calls Southern Utah "America's Outback," a fair enough characterization, I suppose. However, in his efforts to convey Southern Utah as the last great place, he probably should have gotten off the beaten path a bit. His two journeys include Dry Fork Coyote to see the Peek-a-Boo and Spooky slots and Calf Creek Falls. Both places are stunning and certainly worthy of a visit, but they are also the most traveled trails in the Escalante. He says of his journey to Calf Creek Falls,"The next morning, I set out in search of a waterfall said to be upriver." Said to be upriver? You mean the heavily signed interpretive trail?

I don't have a problem with Perrotet's travel and I understand that his audience is most likely to visit trails like Calf Creek and Peek-a-Boo, but please don't pretend you are on some big adventure Mr. Perrottet. Having an off-the-path adventure is certainly still possible in Southern Utah but you might need to strap on a backback and not get befuddled by the clearly set cairns on the trail to Peek-a-boo. If I were writing a travel piece about Southern Utah for the NY Times, I would probably write about Calf Creek and Peek-a-boo; they are accessible and stunning and a good introduction to the area. But in doing so, I would present them for what they are and not some grand adventure.

In addition to selling his journey for far more than it actually is, Perrotet also gets quite a few things wrong. After correctly naming the wash where you can find Peek-a-boo and Spooky, the Dry Fork of Coyote Gulch, he uses the shortand "Coyote Gulch." No one in Utah calls Dry Fork "Coyote Gulch." Coyote Gulch is the much larger canyon downstream, not this tributary. More importantly, Perrottet asserts that the landscape hasn't changed since 1872? What?! What about the Hole-in-the-Rock expedition, where settlers blasted out rocks for hundreds of miles to make a road--in 1879? What about the settlement in the heart of Capitol Reef that included not only structures but acres of orchards. What about human use from increased travel? Or the pathways trampled by grazing cattle? The structures built after the Escalante was made a monument? To say that the place hasn't changed since since 1872 ignores a whole lot of history and the increased development and mineral exploration that threatens the area.

Southern Utah is stunning, wonderful, soul-awakening. But it is not unchanged. If writers like Perrotet don't acknowledge the threats against this beautiful landscape, there is a real risk that we will lose its beauty to excessive development.

And a final note. In recommending the area's available restaurants, Perrottet promotes the mediocre Cafe Diablo, but fails to mention Hell's Backbone? bitch, puhleeeze.

Maybe the next time the NY Times wants a travel piece on Utah, they should just call me.

just let me quit

I decided to quit my phd program for two reasons: a. $ b. I'm not sure the program is the best fit for me.

I emailed the director last night, telling her I was quitting, but I only mentioned the money issue. I didn't really want to get into reason B because it involves my ongoing frustration that the profs don't seem to recognize that I have a fair bit of experience in my field, that I know what I want to do, and that I should be treated as a fellow scholar and not as a complete moron.

The director emailed me back, telling me to not "burn any bridges" before she can see if she can work anything out for me.

Now I feel stuck, because I don't really want to stay in the program but I don't really want to explain why and I don't want to be perceived as a quitter. I don't know why that last one bothers me. I guess since one of my frustrations with the program is not feeling like my experience is valued, I don't want to be perceived as someone who just can't hack it.

Ugh. Why can't she just let me quit. I haven't replied because I just don't know what to say. Any suggestions?

my new favorite movie

will and I went to see Adventureland yesterday, which I loved, loved. will said I was grinning through the whole thing.

melancholy, nostalgia, the haze of transition--all of the moods I like to contemplate and wallow in. all of this plus a few moments of sublime comic relief, thanks mostly to kristen wiig, and a killer soundtrack. In my mind, it was the best movie soundtrack ever. Lou Reed, the Cure, the Replacements, Crowded House. I would buy the soundtrack if I didn't have most of the songs already--but I will be filling in the gaps.

you should go see it. you might not love it as much as I did, but it is a lovely movie.

My New Food Blog

I started a new food blog, which I hope you'll all check out.

www.plum-cake.com

I've started supplying baked goods for a coffee shop near my house and I am hopefully going to sell at the farmer's market this summer, so I figured I would start a new blog to accompany my efforts.

Enjoy!