just let me quit

I decided to quit my phd program for two reasons: a. $ b. I'm not sure the program is the best fit for me.

I emailed the director last night, telling her I was quitting, but I only mentioned the money issue. I didn't really want to get into reason B because it involves my ongoing frustration that the profs don't seem to recognize that I have a fair bit of experience in my field, that I know what I want to do, and that I should be treated as a fellow scholar and not as a complete moron.

The director emailed me back, telling me to not "burn any bridges" before she can see if she can work anything out for me.

Now I feel stuck, because I don't really want to stay in the program but I don't really want to explain why and I don't want to be perceived as a quitter. I don't know why that last one bothers me. I guess since one of my frustrations with the program is not feeling like my experience is valued, I don't want to be perceived as someone who just can't hack it.

Ugh. Why can't she just let me quit. I haven't replied because I just don't know what to say. Any suggestions?

my new favorite movie

will and I went to see Adventureland yesterday, which I loved, loved. will said I was grinning through the whole thing.

melancholy, nostalgia, the haze of transition--all of the moods I like to contemplate and wallow in. all of this plus a few moments of sublime comic relief, thanks mostly to kristen wiig, and a killer soundtrack. In my mind, it was the best movie soundtrack ever. Lou Reed, the Cure, the Replacements, Crowded House. I would buy the soundtrack if I didn't have most of the songs already--but I will be filling in the gaps.

you should go see it. you might not love it as much as I did, but it is a lovely movie.

My New Food Blog

I started a new food blog, which I hope you'll all check out.

www.plum-cake.com

I've started supplying baked goods for a coffee shop near my house and I am hopefully going to sell at the farmer's market this summer, so I figured I would start a new blog to accompany my efforts.

Enjoy!

Sugaring Off

It sounds dirty, doesn't it? Well, it's not, but it is exciting and delicious and sticky. "Sugaring off" is the term in these parts (Quebec, anyway) for the yearly collection of maple sap. And all of that sap collection and processing happens at the sugar bush, but let's not talk about that--this is a family blog, after all.

Ok, enough with the double entendres. We've got more important things to talk about here, things like maple syrup, and maple cotton candy. Yeah, it's pretty much the best thing in the world.

For those of you who read the Little House books, you may remember the maple candy made from pouring hot maple syrup on the snow. I (and my sister) have been obsessed with the idea of making candy in snow since--ok, obsessed might be too strong a word, but fascinated and unfulfilled with deep longing, certainly. So, moving to the maple syrup capital of the world was pretty exciting for me and I've been waiting for eight months for the sap to start running.

The maple taffy on the snow was pretty tasty, and I am happy to have fulfilled my childhood dream, but the maple cotton candy made the taffy seem kind of sad. Mmm, maple cotton candy.





In addition to the sugary gluttony, I also learned a few things about maple syrup. Like the fact that the sap is clear. I knew the sap was cooked to get to the final product, but I always expected the sap to come from the tree looking a bit more syrupy. But, nope, it looks and tastes pretty much like water.


The sap is reduced to 1/40th of its original volume to make the syrup. These days, the metal bucket is just for the tourists and the bulk of the sap is collected from the trees through a series of tubes which deliver the sap to a central collection tank which then feeds into a huge vat in the sugar shack (on the right). The sap bubbles away, moving through a couple of different vats as it reduces. The reduced syrup is collected in a tank, to be filtered and bottled.


We left with a jug of syrup, a block of maple sugar, and whispy maple cotton candy dreams that will hold me over until next year's sugaring off.

crafty and frugal

A sweater that I really like recently developed a hole. Sad. Typically, I would use the opportunity of a holey sweater as an excuse to buy a new sweater. However, because of recent budget cuts in our household, I can't really justify a shopping trip.

Luckily the hole in the sweater was along a seam, so entirely fixable. Unfortunately sewing a straight seam is really a challenge for me. And the hole, while on the seam had frayed out a bit, so I worried that trying to fix the hole with a straight seam would make the sweater look puckery. Seeing as the hole was on a front shoulder seam, puckery sewing would be noticeable.

While I cannot stitch a straight seam, I am pretty good at embroidery, do I dug out my handy copy of Mary Thomas's Dictionary of Embroidery Stitches. Mostly I look at this book and never do any stitching, but this time I found a lovely decorative stitch and got to work.


Here's how it turned out:


And here's the detail:I must say I am pretty proud of myself both in terms of craft and frugality. Now I just need to learn how to darn socks.

Beautiful

You must go to this link and look at pictures of beautiful sea slugs. They are truly amazing. It always stuns me how much detail and variety and beauty there is in the world and how most of the time it goes unnoticed.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/06/nudibranchs/doubilet-photography

At the U, Will's research focused on a sea slug from this nudibranch family. It wasn't quite as stunning as these examples, but it was a lovely critter.

do I need to fire my editor?

Since my teaching career isn't going quite the way I'd planned, I have decided to be a freelance writer. Right now, it's just been a bunch of query-writing and sending. And self doubt, endless amounts of self doubt. I have often thought about trying to write for a living, but I have always been terrified of the whole prospect. What if my writing really sucks? What if I am a fraud? What if it's true what they say about teachers? It is only out of desperation and a realization that I have nothing to lose that I have decided to take on this adventure. But still, each time I click send on a query, I am certain that someone is out there laughing at me and pointing.

Despite my terror, things are going fairly well. I've had some positive response. No jobs yet, but I do have several strong leads that should (cross your fingers) work out.

Yesterday, I heard back from the editor of a local food magazine. In her message, she said that I should call her to "blah blah" about some ideas. I was excited about the reply, but thought the "blah blah" comment was a little weird.

Well, today I copied the message to that editor in order to refashion it into a query for another editor. And there, in the message, was this sentence: " I look forward to blah blah" Yes, that's right, those little notes that I make to myself to indicate where I need to add/ clarify? Still there.

I am both mortified and amazed. I mean, the query worked right? So maybe I need to worry less about the laughing and the pointing and just say whatever the hell I feel like. Really, I am the queen of worrying about what I say and whether it annoys, embarrasses, offends, etc. In new contexts, I can hardly speak for the worry.

Perhaps this is a lesson that I just need to get over it. blah blah, baby, blah blah